So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
