Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
