Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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