I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
