Dual....:-)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
