You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
