I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
