Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
