He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
