Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
