I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
