So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize