I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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