Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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