Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
