mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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