OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
