Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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