it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
