you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have aggressive nipples.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
