please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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