She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
