I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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