I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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