My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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