There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
