I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
