i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
