I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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