Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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