How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
birth control should be required to get into college
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
