I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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