another moral hangover. fuck.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
