Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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