you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize