i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
