Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
