you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
