If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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