i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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