??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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