Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
