can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
