She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
