I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
