Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
