I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
