If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize