I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
