she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize