Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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