i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
