U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
