so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
