how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize