Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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