she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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