Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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