i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
