I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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