Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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