More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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