i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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