I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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