I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
