You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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