she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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