I want to walk on stilts...naked
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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