No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
