just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
