dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
