I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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