Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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