I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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