Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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