if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize