we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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