I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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