If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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