you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
