If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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