I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
