so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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