when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
