Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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