if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
