I think im going to throw up on grandma
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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